- path orientation is the new goal orientation -
Pictures, thoughts, quotes of my favorite things in life (-long learning).
I just got off the phone with my mum and it’s always the same. I love her. Deeply. I pick up and then there it is: You haven’t called me in 4 days. Boom. My 27-year-old me meets my 12-year-old-me and says: So sorry, mum.I have been… WHAT??? No. I just really don’t want to. I just don’t want to feel blamed and ashamed that I didn’t. I was busy and all I could use right now is a bit of a vulnerable moment together. Checking in with each other. Asking how are you? What is happening? What are you up to? And knowing that she will then understand why I haven’t called any earlier. The moment she judges me before I even started showing where I am right now. And hell yeah - its been hard. I am not a party lover who gets drunk every week and can’t call her mum because I am too hung over. I am working my ass off to design the life I want and make sure I do the right things and right now it is a lot.
Mum, I love you but I am 27 and with all the lovely responsibilities of paying my own bills and coming up with a life plan and doing my own groceries in the meantime and making sure my red socks don’t go with my white shirt in the washing machine I also would love to own the next phase of our relationship. You and me checking in with each other without any passive disappointment and regulations. Lets grow together and know that we both are doing our very best selves.
Whether it is our mum, dad, siblings, chefs, friends… Set your boundaries!
The reason why boundaries, I assume, are so damn important is because they represent the choices and priorities you currently own in your life - and do not get me wrong … those are not always the easy ones! But within every loving relationship there is this moment where we need to ask ourselves of how much we allow in… what are the voices we want to listen to and how much weight do we give it.
Everyone, why don’t we allow ourselves to stop bing passively angry at each other because we are expecting x,y,z now and replace it with some vulnerable curiosity in the first place?
"How are you?"
“So far so good”
“I wanted to make sure you are ok”.
“What were the big things in your past week?”
“Well…. (1…. 2….3…)”
“I see. That seems a lot. I understand now. Thank you. I was worried,cause I haven’t heard anything but I am happy we’re speaking now.”
“Yeah. It’s been a lot. You’re great mum. Thanks for picking up the phone and asking. Sort of all I needed right now. Could really use a hug from you :)”
boom. What a different conversation.
life-long re-assuring note to myself: Check-in first. Listen. Contextualize. Speak.
Valley House Concept by K. Kuvika